The More You Know: Borrow Marital Wisdom!

An idea that we’re rather fond of is finding an opportunity to collect marital wisdom from your elders and married family and friends; you most likely won’t be giving them all to share it via the open mic, on the big day, or trying to have a million heart-to-hearts at the reception for their wisdom deposits. Finding some way to allow them to share it on paper is wonderful, as it is easier to recollect later and isn’t a wedding day time-sucker.  It’s a great idea to keep close to the guest book at the ceremony site, or for them to fill out at their table at the reception.  You will really enjoy reading them later.

This idea is easily adaptable to your wedding theme.  You could do an old typewriter for people to type in their wisdom nugget and name, or a vintage suitcase open to put notes inside (with pictures of you two in the top half, pinned across string like a clothes line), or even just finding the perfect book for the job.  Options are endless!

This idea is by no means a wedding MUST, but just something you sentimental brides may want to consider.  From the many notes I received in mine, I selected several that I felt were most important for us as a couple and put them in a book to look over and remember, and hopefully apply to my marriage daily!  It’s nice to be able to draw from the wisdom of people and marriages that you look up to and aspire to be like... from close friends who have been married a few years and have grown together in stride, or your grandparents who have been married 50 years strong... it’s priceless.

Just remember that no two people are identical, so definitely there are no two couples/marriages that are identical.  General wisdom applies to all, but don’t get so caught up in trying to emulate someone else’s relationship that you forget to nurture and adapt to your own!

::Shout Outs::
Images found at (from left to right):
weddingbycolor.com
vickytrainer.blogspot.com
oneandonlyeventsblog.com
rickandalliewedding.com

The Bridesmaid Role: Responsibilities That Come With The Title

One of the disservices that Hollywood’s love of weddings has done us is the glamorous depiction of being a bridesmaid or maid of honor; which kinda gives real bridesmaids the impression that it can also be about them.  Bridesmaids, please note that the only time the wedding or your role in the wedding is about you is when it appropriately circles back to the bride (i.e. your toast about your friendship and how much it’s meant to you, and how you wish them happiness... see how it circled back?).  The ultimate goal is selflessness.

First thing to remember:  A bride choosing you to be a part of the biggest day of her life is showing that she trusts you and values your role in her life.  The bride asking you is an honor, not a favor she’s asking of you.  It’s your honor, and your responsibility; so only accept the invitation if you’ve considered that and are willing to rise to the calling!  Once you’ve accepted the title, you’ve accepted all of the responsibility that it entails.  Don’t know what those responsibilities are?  Lucky you!  We’ve decided to let you in on the (often unspoken) rules of the role you’ve found yourself in.

Responsibilities of Bridesmaid:

1.  Support the bride’s vision for her wedding!  Don’t discourage her from going the direction she wants, even if that means you wear a dress you don’t love, or even like. Some brides let you pick out your own dress or have say in the dress.  If that’s your bride, be grateful; don’t get power-crazy and try to steamroll over the style and theme of the wedding. If there are rules about hair, makeup, etc. for the big day, stick to them.  Pushing limits and not doing what the bride asks of you only makes you look like you’re trying to make her big day about you.  Don’t try to incorporate your own style into it (unless she tells you to), this wedding is an expression of she and her groom... not of you.  If she asks your opinion about something, be honest (but not ever brutal).  If she's asking your opinion that usually means she’s considering it, but not 100% sure.  Never express dislike for something that she didn’t ask your opinion about.

2.  One of the most obvious responsibilities of a bridesmaid is to buy your dress for the wedding (and shoes)!  If this may be too much of a financial burden for you, you maybe should consider not accepting the title of bridesmaid, or speak to the bride about it. There’s no denying that situations arise (like the Kristin Wiig in “Bridesmaids”, I too, once lost my job after committing to be in a wedding), but the bride is already budgeting for an entire wedding, and doesn’t need to feel like she needs to pay for your dress, too.  Ask a family member or friend to spot you the cash, or trade a service (like babysitting) to pay off the debt.  A lot of major bridal shops offer financing, so paying for it over time could be an option too.

3.  Planning the Bridal Shower/Bachelorette Party!  This can be an expensive project if one bridesmaid carries the financial side of things, so it’s best to divide it between bridesmaids.  That’s not all of the responsibility though, there are many more.  From the guest list, to the invitations, decorating, food, games, and themes, there’s a lot of time involved in planning, too. Maybe if you’re struggling with the financial responsibility, explain that to the bridesmaids and offer to take on more of the time-consuming responsibilities.  A bridal shower should be a reflection of the bride’s style and personality, so make that happen in whatever way is appropriate for her (within means).

4.  Keep It Drama Free (to the best of your abilities).  So maybe you don’t like her sister and can’t even imagine having to plan a shower with her.  It doesn’t matter.  Your love for the bride should be more important than any negative feelings you have toward anyone else.  It’s a big deal for a bride, when people from all different aspects of her life come together, and it’s a nightmare if it leads to drama that makes her important time awkward.  Maybe she understands your personality and laughed at your “doesn’t play well with others” attitude in college, but please believe she doesn’t want it to disrupt the unity of this precious time with people she loves.  If there is any conflict, diffuse it as quickly as possible by being a part of the solution and not the problem.

5.  Catch All!  Being a “catch-all” means you accept any last minute responsibility you are able to, be it last minute decorating the reception hall, wrapping the favors in tulle circles or distracting the crazy aunt that stresses out the bride.  The sole responsibility of the wedding is not on you, but being a close friend/family member of the bride, you probably know best which things she really needs.  As long as you’re focused on it being her big day, it should all come very naturally to you.

Above and beyond that:  Just support the bride.  If you’re married, you understand how stressful the wedding planning process can be.  If you aren’t, try to sympathize anyway. Trying to budget and orchestrate the biggest day of your life, and do it to the standard you’ve set for yourself is a huge feat.  This is a time where plenty of people seemingly come out of nowhere (family members, in-laws, opinionated friends) and try to impose their ideas and opinions on you and often pick at the ideas and opinions you have for yourself.  It’s easy for most personalities to get so caught up in trying to make everyone happy that they forget what it’s really about and feel the stress, even in their relationship with their fiance!  The best thing you can do is be supportive of her and be someone that is a source of peace and not stress, whether that is getting her to laugh in a stressful moment or helping her finish a wedding project so she can go have a much-needed night out with her future husband.  SUPPORT her by being by her side.

Obviously, if you are a bridesmaid that lives far away and is flying in a few days before the wedding, not all of these responsibilities apply to you.  But for the rest, these are all definitely things to consider BEFORE accepting the title.  Most brides don’t want to be a bridezilla, and want to be viewed as a gracious bride, so it’s uncomfortable giving a list of demands.  We did it for them.  Proper Bridesmaid Etiquette, right here in plain text.

It’s important to consider it all, because the “office” of bridesmaid is not one that should be held half-heartedly.  Trust me when I say, a bride never forgets who was there for her through this important time; but it’s also a tough thing to move past when someone you love isn’t supportive or considerate through it.  This is the one day of her life that everything is allowed to be about her, so go into it knowing that.  That this is a time that should make your relationship stronger, but it will have the opposite effect if you don’t make an effort to contribute to this important season of her life.

Wedding Itinerary: A Guide For The Organized Bride!

Most brides can recite the run-down of W-Day to the minute, when to be where.  Most brides relay that information to the bridal party, and most bridal party members get caught up and don’t remember the schedule (most of them haven’t been the ones planning this day for months).  

Putting together a wedding day itinerary is a great idea to organize everyone else without having to repeat yourself over and over.  Getting a little creative with it isn’t a bad idea either!  Get together with your MOH and plan the day.  Be as basic or detailed as you feel you need to be (even make them gender-specific for the bridesmaids and groomsmen if you want).  Print the itineraries and delegate that responsibility out of your hands.  You don’t have to be a bridezilla to get things done, you just have to be willing to pass on the responsibility!

Wisdom of Experience

This is a really cute and meaningful alternative to the traditional guest book:  A bible in which your guests sign their name and underline, circle, or write a note next to a verse that helped or encouraged them in their marriage.  A really great way to have the wisdom of others’ experience serve you in your marriage.  This is another thing to mention in your thank you notes if you’re one who has a hard time finding the words for everyone.  Love, love, love this idea for any Christian couple getting married.

The Anti-Guest List: Be On The Same Page

Upon first mention, it sounds harsh to talk about who you DON’T want at your wedding.  When it comes to choosing the guest list, it’s much easier to just count people as casualties of the trimming process than to admit that there are some that actually are blacklisted.  However, if there are people that you really aren’t okay with putting on the guest list, you need to be clear about that with your groom and any family members who may want to include them.

Of course, it can be an uncomfortable topic, but it’s crucial to your sanity to get it out of the way early, so nothing unexpected pops up.  Your wedding should be a day where you are surrounded by the people who love and support you; and you shouldn’t have to worry about anyone who has other thoughts or motives.  Have open dialogue with your groom about who you won’t be comfortable with at your wedding.

Common roles that populate this list:

1.  Exes.  Unless you and your spouse are both comfortable with exes and their current role in your lives, this can be very uncomfortable.  How often does anyone sit at their ex’s wedding and think about how beautiful the couple is, or how they’re meant to be?  Discuss this honestly, because nobody deserves that uncomfortable situation at their wedding.

2.  Friends/Family Who Don’t Agree With The Wedding.  Whether it’s your friend who has talked bad about your groom since the day she met him, or a friend of his; you don’t need to invite people to your wedding who clearly aren’t in favor of it.

3.  Friends/Family Who Are Unstable Or Disruptive.  This is a tough one to put as a general group, because not everyone has someone like this in their family, or in their life. If you have a family member or friend who is an alcoholic or has drug issues or anything that causes them to make scenes or disrupt gatherings, you are entitled to leaving them off of your guest list.  It’s touchy, but it’s a choice you may have to make sometimes to keep the peace and protect your day.

*When it comes to family, consider carefully.  As much as situations come where you don’t feel like you would even want them there, remember that families go through seasons, and you’ll always remember whether or not they were there.  Give them a chance to support you, and if they make it clear that they aren’t supportive, then you are validated in not inviting them; just give it serious consideration.

When it comes to your soon-to-be-in-laws, let that be your spouse’s decision.  Even if his sister has hated you since day one and that’s uncomfortable, let it be his decision.  To show respect to his family (especially when you feel that they don’t deserve it) is to show respect to him.  Also, wouldn’t you rather be the sister-in-law that was gracious and forgiving than the wife who separated the family?  Even if you would be validated in taking that step, resist, because you don’t want that kind of resentment.

As for anyone else (besides family), I say it’s YOUR day, and don’t invite anyone based on obligation or fear of hurting feelings.  Weddings are expensive, they are important, and (for some) once-in-a-lifetime, so don’t let anyone else’s feelings override those of yours and your groom’s.

The Awkward Decision: No Kids or Pro-Kids at your Wedding!

So, you’re in the heartfelt moment of giving your vows, which you wrote personally for each other.  Tears are forming as you listen to your groom promise to always protect you and love you and only you for the rest of his life, when a loud scream emerges from the mouth of your two-year-old nephew (who is crying because he just ran out of the fruit snacks mommy snuck in her purse to keep him quiet).  That moment is the fear of many brides, and the reality of many weddings.

If you are a laid back bride, maybe you would just chock this up to kids just “being kids” and wouldn’t be bothered by it.  Maybe you feel like it would contribute to the sweet memories of the day. 

However, you don’t have to be a bridezilla to be someone that is in the awkward situation of taking precautions to avoid this.  Unfortunately, you don’t have a ton of options.  You can either invite kids or you can not invite kids; but you can’t pick and choose.  It’s bad etiquette and might make some relationships awkward if you make the rule that children aren’t allowed, and then select some of the kids you have deemed to be better behaved that are permitted to come.  In this sticky situation, it’s all or nothing.

Many brides are torn on this issue because they don’t really want kids there, but they don’t want to hurt feelings; or they are torn because they want their favorite niece there, but not other kids.  Who can blame you?  It would be much easier to forgive your god-daughter than the daughter of the boyfriend of your third cousin twice removed for an unexpected outburst!  Some brides feel guilty about out-of-town guests who may not have an option for their kids.  An option that you may have here is to arrange a group child-care option for your “I do” day.  Even if it’s only for the ceremony and then you have children at the reception, you’ll have your interruption-free ceremony and the presence of your favorite kids at the reception.  It may take some preparation on your part, but it could be well worth it to show the families you love that you’re considering them too.  It’s not a must, by any means, but is a very thoughtful accommodation to make.

Plenty of brides know exactly where they stand on this issue, and whether pro-kids or no-kids, you’re confident in your decision.  For the rest of you, just think about what you really want and make your decision accordingly!

Printed On Paper=Set In Stone

So you’ve set your wedding date and you’re ready to start knocking out projects, but hold off on save-the-dates and stationary until you’ve gotten a few important things squared away:

1.  Lock In Your Wedding/Reception Venue.  Many people have to change their date because they don’t put down their deposit and lock in their site soon enough, or they decide their date and can’t find an opening at a venue they’re happy with for that date.  You don’t want to print your wedding date and have to reprint all of your save-the-dates. Save yourself the trouble of the 2nd string of save-the-dates and the explanations that go along with it, and don’t print your date on anything until it’s SET.

2.  You’ve Checked With Important Parties.  This is an odd one.  Of course you don’t need to pick a date that everyone approves of; but if there are people that you would be heartbroken to not have there (say, heartbroken enough to consider changing the date, like a parent or sibling), double-check with them before making your W-date official.

3.  Your Guest List.  Okay, so you don’t need to know your guest list before printing the save-the-dates, but you definitely need them before you address and send them.  Why? Until you decide on the size of your wedding and exactly who will be invited, you won’t know who to send the save-the-dates to.  You may have a general idea, but it’s extremely impolite to send anyone a save-the-date who may not make the cut of the guest list.  Save yourself that awkwardness and wait!

So, before you make that date official and print it on anything, make sure these bases are covered, so you don’t have to go through the process of having to change your plans.  It’s anticlimactic for your guests, and stressful for you.  As much as you want to get things moving and get your save-the-date in the hand of your guests, get these things sorted out first so you don’t have to REdo it later.

More Relaxed Look: Simple Hair That Makes A Statement!

So you’re not the girliest-girl in the world.  You’re not a fan of the high, tight pinned curly updo, but don’t want your locks down and running amuck on your wedding day.  This look, taken from the Vera Wang bridal portion of the runway, may be perfect for you.

This relaxed ‘do is a mix between the low bun and chignon.  The smooth and strategically messy combination looks simple enough to make the dressy-wedding-day-you still recognizable as YOU.  I love it because it’s minimalistic display plays a nice background to your beautiful wedding gown, and lets you be you!

High-There Wedding Shoe: A Glamorous Bride’s Footwear!

This shoe is one I fell in love with from Badgley Mischka.  Every bride needs to feel beautiful from head to TOES and this shoe would showcase those beautiful mootsies of yours.  Your pedi will have never looked classier.  

Check out MyGlassSlipper.com to see more designer bridal shoes with this level of class.

First Pick: Solving Your Bestie Drama!

For some women, your Maid of Honor is an obvious pick.  You’ve never considered anyone but your sister to be next to you on your big day.  For others, you’ve had the same best friend since pre-school and there’s just no question.

For some of us, our paths are not so clear.  Between your high school best friend, your college best friend, and your current roommate that has been along for the ride of your whole relationship with your soon-to-be-husband... there is going to be a trail of heartbreak no matter who you pick.

That was very similar to my situation.  There were plenty of people in my wedding who mattered to me, from friends I grew up with in church, to my best friend from high school, to my more recent roommate and best friend.  My first instinct was to go with my roommate/current bestie, then she told me she was pregnant.  My high school best friend also ended up being pregnant.  If I had chosen one of those two, everyone would have understood, knowing how close I was to them.  So with them out of the Wedding Party pool, hurt feelings after picking my MOH was a sure thing, since many of them had a deep history with me and maybe felt like they were next in line.  Crowning my Maid of Honor wasn’t a natural process for me.

So what if, like me, your pick for Maid of honor falls through?  Is it proper etiquette to ask someone else if your first string cancels?  There’s no clear rule about this.  I did.  It was early in the game though, so it wasn’t like we’d been through all the pre-wedding events with a different Maid of Honor.  I feel like, if done right, it isn’t hurtful.  I think the key is probably to have open dialogue about it so it’s not a weird, elephant in the room situation.  One thing I did, is I still included my pregnant friend who couldn’t play the part in as much as possible, including choosing her to do the toast (which worked out nice since my Maid of Honor isn’t the type to feel comfortable speaking in front of a big crowd), and she helped me get ready.  Since it was an open subject, she was still able to play a big role in the behind-the-scenes too.  Everybody wins!

To the left is my (pregnant) friend and former roommate, Kristen, doing my makeup and helping me get ready for the day.






This is Genna.  She was my Maid of Honor.  Another great friend.  Someone I had lived with, that always kept me laughing.









Here are all my bridesmaids!








This is Kristen again, making a toast at the reception.  Probably the most heartfelt and meaningful toast ever given.  I was so glad that she was still involved.




It’s important to pick who you want to play that role.  Your Maid/Matron of Honor plays a big part in it all-being there for the planning, organizing your bridal showers and bachelorette party, and being by your side for whatever you need on your wedding day.  Don’t pick it based on who you feel people expect you to.  Pick someone who loves you and understands your personality, and recognizes any moment you need her.

If choosing is causing panic attack, there may be a solution:  Don’t choose!  A good friend of mine and her groom decided to not choose “Best”s, and keep a level playing field.  Between her sister-in-law, her roommate of 3 years +, a friend she’s grown up with, a long distance friend, and a friend she’s made in the past year or two, there’s obviously different levels of involvement; and she knows that.  But this way, she doesn’t have to choose one “best” if she has several, and no one spends her wedding feeling like someone was chosen for a role they felt better fitted for.  As the friend who grew up with her, I really see where this decision kept her pretty stress-free in the bridesmaid rivalry department!

Love This: Fall Vera Wang Wedding Gown!

This beautiful v-neck mermaid gown from the Vera Wang Fall Collection is one of my favorites I’ve seen in a while, I knew I had to share.  

Vintage Americana Wedding Inspiration: Perfect 4 July!

In honor of the Independence Day on Monday, I thought a tribute to the Americana Wedding was in order, filtered through a love of all things vintage.  There are endless ways to make this look happen, many details and ideas, and here are a few.  Be inspired!