Upon first mention, it sounds harsh to talk about who you DON’T want at your wedding. When it comes to choosing the guest list, it’s much easier to just count people as casualties of the trimming process than to admit that there are some that actually are blacklisted. However, if there are people that you really aren’t okay with putting on the guest list, you need to be clear about that with your groom and any family members who may want to include them.
Of course, it can be an uncomfortable topic, but it’s crucial to your sanity to get it out of the way early, so nothing unexpected pops up. Your wedding should be a day where you are surrounded by the people who love and support you; and you shouldn’t have to worry about anyone who has other thoughts or motives. Have open dialogue with your groom about who you won’t be comfortable with at your wedding.
Common roles that populate this list:
1. Exes. Unless you and your spouse are both comfortable with exes and their current role in your lives, this can be very uncomfortable. How often does anyone sit at their ex’s wedding and think about how beautiful the couple is, or how they’re meant to be? Discuss this honestly, because nobody deserves that uncomfortable situation at their wedding.
2. Friends/Family Who Don’t Agree With The Wedding. Whether it’s your friend who has talked bad about your groom since the day she met him, or a friend of his; you don’t need to invite people to your wedding who clearly aren’t in favor of it.
3. Friends/Family Who Are Unstable Or Disruptive. This is a tough one to put as a general group, because not everyone has someone like this in their family, or in their life. If you have a family member or friend who is an alcoholic or has drug issues or anything that causes them to make scenes or disrupt gatherings, you are entitled to leaving them off of your guest list. It’s touchy, but it’s a choice you may have to make sometimes to keep the peace and protect your day.
*When it comes to family, consider carefully. As much as situations come where you don’t feel like you would even want them there, remember that families go through seasons, and you’ll always remember whether or not they were there. Give them a chance to support you, and if they make it clear that they aren’t supportive, then you are validated in not inviting them; just give it serious consideration.
When it comes to your soon-to-be-in-laws, let that be your spouse’s decision. Even if his sister has hated you since day one and that’s uncomfortable, let it be his decision. To show respect to his family (especially when you feel that they don’t deserve it) is to show respect to him. Also, wouldn’t you rather be the sister-in-law that was gracious and forgiving than the wife who separated the family? Even if you would be validated in taking that step, resist, because you don’t want that kind of resentment.
As for anyone else (besides family), I say it’s YOUR day, and don’t invite anyone based on obligation or fear of hurting feelings. Weddings are expensive, they are important, and (for some) once-in-a-lifetime, so don’t let anyone else’s feelings override those of yours and your groom’s.
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