First thing to remember: A bride choosing you to be a part of the biggest day of her life is showing that she trusts you and values your role in her life. The bride asking you is an honor, not a favor she’s asking of you. It’s your honor, and your responsibility; so only accept the invitation if you’ve considered that and are willing to rise to the calling! Once you’ve accepted the title, you’ve accepted all of the responsibility that it entails. Don’t know what those responsibilities are? Lucky you! We’ve decided to let you in on the (often unspoken) rules of the role you’ve found yourself in.
Responsibilities of Bridesmaid:
1. Support the bride’s vision for her wedding! Don’t discourage her from going the direction she wants, even if that means you wear a dress you don’t love, or even like. Some brides let you pick out your own dress or have say in the dress. If that’s your bride, be grateful; don’t get power-crazy and try to steamroll over the style and theme of the wedding. If there are rules about hair, makeup, etc. for the big day, stick to them. Pushing limits and not doing what the bride asks of you only makes you look like you’re trying to make her big day about you. Don’t try to incorporate your own style into it (unless she tells you to), this wedding is an expression of she and her groom... not of you. If she asks your opinion about something, be honest (but not ever brutal). If she's asking your opinion that usually means she’s considering it, but not 100% sure. Never express dislike for something that she didn’t ask your opinion about.
2. One of the most obvious responsibilities of a bridesmaid is to buy your dress for the wedding (and shoes)! If this may be too much of a financial burden for you, you maybe should consider not accepting the title of bridesmaid, or speak to the bride about it. There’s no denying that situations arise (like the Kristin Wiig in “Bridesmaids”, I too, once lost my job after committing to be in a wedding), but the bride is already budgeting for an entire wedding, and doesn’t need to feel like she needs to pay for your dress, too. Ask a family member or friend to spot you the cash, or trade a service (like babysitting) to pay off the debt. A lot of major bridal shops offer financing, so paying for it over time could be an option too.
3. Planning the Bridal Shower/Bachelorette Party! This can be an expensive project if one bridesmaid carries the financial side of things, so it’s best to divide it between bridesmaids. That’s not all of the responsibility though, there are many more. From the guest list, to the invitations, decorating, food, games, and themes, there’s a lot of time involved in planning, too. Maybe if you’re struggling with the financial responsibility, explain that to the bridesmaids and offer to take on more of the time-consuming responsibilities. A bridal shower should be a reflection of the bride’s style and personality, so make that happen in whatever way is appropriate for her (within means).
4. Keep It Drama Free (to the best of your abilities). So maybe you don’t like her sister and can’t even imagine having to plan a shower with her. It doesn’t matter. Your love for the bride should be more important than any negative feelings you have toward anyone else. It’s a big deal for a bride, when people from all different aspects of her life come together, and it’s a nightmare if it leads to drama that makes her important time awkward. Maybe she understands your personality and laughed at your “doesn’t play well with others” attitude in college, but please believe she doesn’t want it to disrupt the unity of this precious time with people she loves. If there is any conflict, diffuse it as quickly as possible by being a part of the solution and not the problem.
5. Catch All! Being a “catch-all” means you accept any last minute responsibility you are able to, be it last minute decorating the reception hall, wrapping the favors in tulle circles or distracting the crazy aunt that stresses out the bride. The sole responsibility of the wedding is not on you, but being a close friend/family member of the bride, you probably know best which things she really needs. As long as you’re focused on it being her big day, it should all come very naturally to you.
Above and beyond that: Just support the bride. If you’re married, you understand how stressful the wedding planning process can be. If you aren’t, try to sympathize anyway. Trying to budget and orchestrate the biggest day of your life, and do it to the standard you’ve set for yourself is a huge feat. This is a time where plenty of people seemingly come out of nowhere (family members, in-laws, opinionated friends) and try to impose their ideas and opinions on you and often pick at the ideas and opinions you have for yourself. It’s easy for most personalities to get so caught up in trying to make everyone happy that they forget what it’s really about and feel the stress, even in their relationship with their fiance! The best thing you can do is be supportive of her and be someone that is a source of peace and not stress, whether that is getting her to laugh in a stressful moment or helping her finish a wedding project so she can go have a much-needed night out with her future husband. SUPPORT her by being by her side.
Obviously, if you are a bridesmaid that lives far away and is flying in a few days before the wedding, not all of these responsibilities apply to you. But for the rest, these are all definitely things to consider BEFORE accepting the title. Most brides don’t want to be a bridezilla, and want to be viewed as a gracious bride, so it’s uncomfortable giving a list of demands. We did it for them. Proper Bridesmaid Etiquette, right here in plain text.
It’s important to consider it all, because the “office” of bridesmaid is not one that should be held half-heartedly. Trust me when I say, a bride never forgets who was there for her through this important time; but it’s also a tough thing to move past when someone you love isn’t supportive or considerate through it. This is the one day of her life that everything is allowed to be about her, so go into it knowing that. That this is a time that should make your relationship stronger, but it will have the opposite effect if you don’t make an effort to contribute to this important season of her life.
3. Planning the Bridal Shower/Bachelorette Party! This can be an expensive project if one bridesmaid carries the financial side of things, so it’s best to divide it between bridesmaids. That’s not all of the responsibility though, there are many more. From the guest list, to the invitations, decorating, food, games, and themes, there’s a lot of time involved in planning, too. Maybe if you’re struggling with the financial responsibility, explain that to the bridesmaids and offer to take on more of the time-consuming responsibilities. A bridal shower should be a reflection of the bride’s style and personality, so make that happen in whatever way is appropriate for her (within means).
4. Keep It Drama Free (to the best of your abilities). So maybe you don’t like her sister and can’t even imagine having to plan a shower with her. It doesn’t matter. Your love for the bride should be more important than any negative feelings you have toward anyone else. It’s a big deal for a bride, when people from all different aspects of her life come together, and it’s a nightmare if it leads to drama that makes her important time awkward. Maybe she understands your personality and laughed at your “doesn’t play well with others” attitude in college, but please believe she doesn’t want it to disrupt the unity of this precious time with people she loves. If there is any conflict, diffuse it as quickly as possible by being a part of the solution and not the problem.
5. Catch All! Being a “catch-all” means you accept any last minute responsibility you are able to, be it last minute decorating the reception hall, wrapping the favors in tulle circles or distracting the crazy aunt that stresses out the bride. The sole responsibility of the wedding is not on you, but being a close friend/family member of the bride, you probably know best which things she really needs. As long as you’re focused on it being her big day, it should all come very naturally to you.
Above and beyond that: Just support the bride. If you’re married, you understand how stressful the wedding planning process can be. If you aren’t, try to sympathize anyway. Trying to budget and orchestrate the biggest day of your life, and do it to the standard you’ve set for yourself is a huge feat. This is a time where plenty of people seemingly come out of nowhere (family members, in-laws, opinionated friends) and try to impose their ideas and opinions on you and often pick at the ideas and opinions you have for yourself. It’s easy for most personalities to get so caught up in trying to make everyone happy that they forget what it’s really about and feel the stress, even in their relationship with their fiance! The best thing you can do is be supportive of her and be someone that is a source of peace and not stress, whether that is getting her to laugh in a stressful moment or helping her finish a wedding project so she can go have a much-needed night out with her future husband. SUPPORT her by being by her side.
Obviously, if you are a bridesmaid that lives far away and is flying in a few days before the wedding, not all of these responsibilities apply to you. But for the rest, these are all definitely things to consider BEFORE accepting the title. Most brides don’t want to be a bridezilla, and want to be viewed as a gracious bride, so it’s uncomfortable giving a list of demands. We did it for them. Proper Bridesmaid Etiquette, right here in plain text.
It’s important to consider it all, because the “office” of bridesmaid is not one that should be held half-heartedly. Trust me when I say, a bride never forgets who was there for her through this important time; but it’s also a tough thing to move past when someone you love isn’t supportive or considerate through it. This is the one day of her life that everything is allowed to be about her, so go into it knowing that. That this is a time that should make your relationship stronger, but it will have the opposite effect if you don’t make an effort to contribute to this important season of her life.
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