Too Many Hands In On The Plans: How To Deal With Momzillas!

Planning a wedding can be extremely stressful!  Budget is one of the biggest anxiety-inducing aspects (check out our post on ways to cut costs and avoid unnecessary financial stress in planning), but the other biggest point of stress is consolidating two family’s traditions, values, culture and personality into one ceremony and celebration!  If leaving Aunt Marge’s new husband’s extended family off the guest list to keep the number of guests below 150 doesn’t cause a family war, something else probably will!

Modern times have freed the bride’s family from the traditional burden of paying for the wedding, which has relieved some of the pressure on brides to let their mother make all the planning choices.  Back when a bride’s family was responsible for funding the whole shin-dig, it seemed less possible to be able to take a stand for the kind of wedding she was wanting; times have changed.

Really, no matter who is paying for the wedding, the bride and groom should be the ones making the choices; but a mother of the bride/groom may not always see it that way.  If this is your predicament, take a deep breath and remind yourself that it IS just misguided love; she wants your big day to be perfect!  “Perfect” just looks different to you than it does to her.

It’s far easier to plan your own wedding without the awkward power struggle.  It’s a natural feeling (whether or not’s a proper one) for family to feel that if they’re helping financially, that your say should weigh in on the planning process.  It’s not a fair perspective necessarily, but it’s natural; and when you accept someone’s financial gift, you accept the possibility of running into this.

So what do you do if she won’t relent?  You find opportunities to include her without compromising what’s important to you and your groom.  If there are choices in aspects of the wedding that you don’t feel as strongly about, let her help you in your decision... be it a food decisions or a floral.  If at all possible, avoid having to have the “It’s OUR wedding” talk, but if she’s still pushing on issues that you are determined to not budge it just may be necessary.  Make it clear that you know she means well and you want to include her, but that you and your groom have made your own choices.  We all have our irrational moments, but she’ll most likely snap out of it and remember that these decisions are important for you two.

You and your groom deserve a chance at creating the wedding day that you want without drawing family resentment; but it’s also important to appear grateful for the offered help.  Make sure you harness your inner bridezilla urge to freak out and remind yourself that it really is love, it’s just coming in the form of misguided “help”.  Lots of people are guilty of it (they want to help in the way they want to help, not in the way you need it).  Be patient and kind, but don’t be a pushover.  You can’t get this experience back, so you don’t want to regret the way you handled it, or didn’t handle it!