Wedding Gift Registry: Etiquette & Things to Consider!

The question is popped, and the “Yes” heard round the world (well, at least YOUR world) is official.  You’ll need to register STAT, because people are going to want to send you gifts; some want to as soon as they find out!

Before you pull the trigger on that scan-gun, you need to get organized.  A checklist for what you need to register, divided up by which room in your house or purpose, is best.  You can make your own, or find one on line.  TheKnot has an editable checklist online which is helpful to use, or you can view it as a template and create your own.  TheKnot also has real couples’ registries that you can view and get ideas.

There are many different styles of registries, based on different decorative tastes and priorities in mind.  Styles range from modern, traditional, elegant and eclectic; where functions can be focused on cooking, entertaining guests, or renovations.  You and your groom may even have different ideas in mind as to which of these categories you two will fall into.  The trick is to remember the home will be home to both of you, and divvy the registry and decor accordingly.

Don’t forget that going into the store and going crazy with a scanner is not your only option.  Doing your registry online is becoming more and more common, and has it’s advantages.  As much as you may want to go to the store in person and pick your patterns, etc., cyber-registry gives you the opportunity to pick items that match your patterns and schemes that may not be in stock at the store, not to mention being easier to keep track of as you choose your items.  Either way you register, you’re able to view and edit your registry online, so don’t hesitate.

Important Things To Take Into Consideration In Registering:

1.  Register At Places That Will Be Accessible To Your Guests.  As much as you love the  unique nature of your favorite home decor boutique in your town, it’s important that you register in stores that are accessible to even your out-of-town guests, and not exclusively by internet.  This is why Bed, Bath & Beyond, Target, and Macy’s have been such popular choices.  No one said that you could only choose one (as a matter of fact you should choose a few), so you can register at a few of those nation-wide places and then the boutique for your in-town guests who know it’s what you love most.  Register for appliances and all basic home needs with Pottery Barn or Crate & Barrel (or your other accessible stores), and then select your favorite decorative pieces from the boutique, then it’s win-win.

2.  Register For More Than You Think You Need.  You may feel it’s presumptuous, but most guests won’t be taking a tally of how many items you have on your registry or feel the pressure to make sure it’s all purchased; most guests are more likely to get frustrated if they can’t find something on the list that is something they would like to give you as a gift, and in their price range.  Sounds silly that they want to find something that is their taste to give as a gift, but everyone likes to give a gift they are proud of.  Make sure you give plenty of options so they can find something they are proud to present to you, which brings me to the next important thing to consider...

3.  Keep In Mind The Varying Budgets of Gift-Givers.  You will most likely have guests with all different kinds of budgets in mind for your wedding gifts, so it’s important to register accordingly. If you only register for a few gifts under $50 then they will feel pressured and guilty.  If one of those gifts is a $45 stainless steel set of measuring spoons, they will most likely feel silly giving that to you as your wedding gift, even though it costed the amount they had to spend for a gift.  Put plenty of low-cost items in your registry, just as many in the mid-range cost (usually $50-$150), and then be a little more sparing with the items that are over $150 or $200.  Yes, you can register for that flatscreen TV and hope someone will get it for you, but let those big-ticket-items be the exception, not the rule.

4.  Include Items That Represent You As A Couple.  Whether it’s all the necessities for a game night, or a tent for your outdoor excursions, DO IT.  Some websites allow you to register for your guests to pay for activities on your honeymoon.  This is becoming increasingly more common, and many people jump on the opportunity to contribute to great memories on your honeymoon, by purchasing your scuba-diving venture, candlelit dinner on the beach, etc.  Just make sure that this isn’t your exclusive registry, because many people still want to buy you a tangible gift for your home.

5.  Weigh Your Options.  This is your opportunity to get things that you maybe won’t be buying for yourself for a while.  Make sure you add the popular kitchen favorite, a food processor, which cuts significant amounts of prep time for the enthusiastic chef, and makes for less time in the kitchen for the less-enthused chef.  Other things to consider:  serving platters, the coffee connoisseurs’ grind and brew coffee machine, and even holiday decorations (they add up when you’re buying them for your household for the first time). 

Okay, so you’ve made your list, checked it twice (or many, many more times than that), and you’ve registered.  A few important notes to maintain proper etiquette when sharing your registries with guests:

-Don’t Over-Emphasize Your Registry- 

Yes, ideally, after you picked out all of the things you wanted in your house for your new life together, people would all purchase from that pool of gifts.  Some will honor your registry, and most will try to study/know your taste and stick to that.  A few will most likely get you things that they like, that are opposite your taste.  Some will get you a blender, not the one on your registry, but their favorite brand, and some will give you personal or religious gifts.  Be prepared for that.  What you shouldn’t do is request gifts from your registry only, or try to request monetary gifts only.

-Do Not Mention Your Registry On Wedding Stationery-

Neither on your invitation nor your save-the-date is it appropriate to mention your registries.  You should, however, list the URL for the wedding website on the save-the-date and even in the invitation package (if desired), and post the registry information on the wedding website.  It’s also perfectly acceptable to print it on the wedding/bridal shower invitation, and have friends and family pass the word along.

The Awkward Decision: No Kids or Pro-Kids at your Wedding!

So, you’re in the heartfelt moment of giving your vows, which you wrote personally for each other.  Tears are forming as you listen to your groom promise to always protect you and love you and only you for the rest of his life, when a loud scream emerges from the mouth of your two-year-old nephew (who is crying because he just ran out of the fruit snacks mommy snuck in her purse to keep him quiet).  That moment is the fear of many brides, and the reality of many weddings.

If you are a laid back bride, maybe you would just chock this up to kids just “being kids” and wouldn’t be bothered by it.  Maybe you feel like it would contribute to the sweet memories of the day. 

However, you don’t have to be a bridezilla to be someone that is in the awkward situation of taking precautions to avoid this.  Unfortunately, you don’t have a ton of options.  You can either invite kids or you can not invite kids; but you can’t pick and choose.  It’s bad etiquette and might make some relationships awkward if you make the rule that children aren’t allowed, and then select some of the kids you have deemed to be better behaved that are permitted to come.  In this sticky situation, it’s all or nothing.

Many brides are torn on this issue because they don’t really want kids there, but they don’t want to hurt feelings; or they are torn because they want their favorite niece there, but not other kids.  Who can blame you?  It would be much easier to forgive your god-daughter than the daughter of the boyfriend of your third cousin twice removed for an unexpected outburst!  Some brides feel guilty about out-of-town guests who may not have an option for their kids.  An option that you may have here is to arrange a group child-care option for your “I do” day.  Even if it’s only for the ceremony and then you have children at the reception, you’ll have your interruption-free ceremony and the presence of your favorite kids at the reception.  It may take some preparation on your part, but it could be well worth it to show the families you love that you’re considering them too.  It’s not a must, by any means, but is a very thoughtful accommodation to make.

Plenty of brides know exactly where they stand on this issue, and whether pro-kids or no-kids, you’re confident in your decision.  For the rest of you, just think about what you really want and make your decision accordingly!

Wedding Sentiment: Make Peace to Have Peace!

It goes without saying that your wedding is one of the most important times of your life. Spoken from experience, you’ll never forget who was with you and who wasn’t on your wedding day.  You don’t want to be at odds with someone who matters to you, so I would encourage you to do whatever it takes to work things out, to keep that time of your life from having added tension.

I know, I know, the thought process comes to mind that if someone in your life isn’t going to work to be a part of it, then it’s their loss.  I thought the same way.  The truth is, though, that it’s your loss too.  If you do your best to mend what needs mending (on your part), and it still doesn’t work, then you need not ever feel guilty; but it’s important to give it a chance (especially when it’s family).

My father was not an active role in my life, and he didn’t agree with who I was marrying (based on race), and I was VERY validated in not inviting him, and dead-set on it.  Someone that I greatly look up to encouraged me to “extend the olive branch” and write my father a letter.  I did so, and told him that I only wanted him to come if he could support me and be a positive presence on the most important day of my life yet.  I pretty much did it to clear my conscience and make sure I did things right, but my letter ended up leading to my father being more supportive than he’d ever been in my life, humble and apologetic.  His whole attitude about everything changed because I took some great advice and went out on a limb.  I thought he would never change his mind, and I really didn’t care that much, in the moment.  Seeing things now, I can’t imagine how I would have felt not giving him the chance to make it right.

Resist the urge to be a bridezilla and cross people out of your life.  Even if you don’t see yourself being sad that someone isn’t a part of it, you never know.  Seasons come and go, and if you and that family member/friend work it out you’ll wish it had happened before your wedding day.

And if you’re not the bride/groom, but the family member that is at odds with someone important in your life who is taking this big step; put it aside and do what you can to make peace.  If you can’t stand your brother’s soon-to-be-wife, get over it and work on the relationship.  You taking a stand won’t do anything but alienate you from the life of someone you care about; this is an exciting time you’ll never forget, and posting yourself up as one of the people who makes this time about you or your feelings will be something you can never take back.  They will be your family, so you can spend this time being stubborn, or you can spend it getting to know them and working through your differences.  Be supportive, and if your heart is in the right place, it all should eventually work itself out.  If not, you still won’t have any regrets!

Wedding Inspiration: Vintage Citrus!

It’s no secret that I have a love for the vintage craze of today’s weddings.  Here’s some inspiration with some muted citrus colors and ideas!

I added our IntriCutz Citrus Splash Invitation, as it is perfect for the occasion!

Love This: Fall Vera Wang Wedding Gown!

This beautiful v-neck mermaid gown from the Vera Wang Fall Collection is one of my favorites I’ve seen in a while, I knew I had to share.  

Vintage Americana Wedding Inspiration: Perfect 4 July!

In honor of the Independence Day on Monday, I thought a tribute to the Americana Wedding was in order, filtered through a love of all things vintage.  There are endless ways to make this look happen, many details and ideas, and here are a few.  Be inspired!

Return of the Birdcage: Ways to Rock the Vintage Veil!

As vintage became more and more the trend, the return of the retro birdcage veil was inevitable.  It seems to represent classic beauty, and kind of an old Hollywood glamour.  Trying to figure out how to wear your hair and rock the birdcage veil?  Here’s some inspiration we found!

When in doubt, you can ♫ Just go ahead let your hair down ♫

Combining a “messy” look with it can give an artsy appearance, if that’s more your cup of tea.  If not, smooth, strategic curls would also be beautiful!

Let’s go side-swept.  The veil is beautifully complimented with the side-swept ‘do.  It’s a nice compliment to dress that you can still add some variety to, whether by sleek and smooth or big curls.

Don’t overlook the option of pulling your hair back.  You definitely want to go with a lower pull-back, no bun on the crown of your head.  Whether you go smooth and shiny or let some loose curls hang, this is a nice way to ensure your hair doing what you want under that veil.

Short haired brides, this is the best veil for you.  Short hair actually works better with the birdcage veil than more traditional veils.  It’s a way to add the girly veil and any adornment without getting lost in it.

Last one we had to include was the finger waves.  To truly capture the old Hollywood glamour nature of the vintage veil, you can just embrace the drama of the look by adding finger waves.  As you see with Drew Barrymore, she did a more relaxed form of finger waves & a little bit of a smoky eye, red lipstick & a flower embellishment at the side of the veil.

You can use flowers, bows, or feathers to complete the look.  You have several different netting styles to choose from for your veil.  The style of your hair and makeup can help you dress the look up or down, to suit the tone of your big day.  Go with natural tones if you feel the drama/glamour is a little over the top for you.  Choose natural tones for your makeup if you feel this is a look that may be too dramatic for you; and find ways to incorporate more of your own style to reel it in a little.