Rules of Engagement: Engagement Party Etiquette!

You said yes, and now a celebration is on the horizon!  There are a few important notes of etiquette for your engagement party.  Don’t get worried, they’re not too meticulous!

The first one is pretty simple:  Have your engagement party soon after the engagement, when the exciting news is still fresh!  To try to announce your engagement at the party is quite a feat now, since social media pretty much has everything in our lives captured and spreading quickly; if you managed to keep it a secret to announce at the party, make sure you have a good excuse/reason for gathering everyone together.

It used to be that it was considered rude to invite anyone to a pre-wedding event that will not be invited to the wedding; but now that more people are doing smaller, intimate weddings or flying to a beach to exchange vows, it’s not necessarily the rule anymore.  If tradition is something you’re pursuing, make your engagement party a smaller affair to be safe (if you don’t already have your guest list hammered out.  If you do, invite accordingly.).  Since you will not be hosting this event, make sure you discuss this with the host/hostess.

Another important note is that an engagement party is not a gift-giving affair.  Your preferences for gift or registry should not be mentioned on the invitation, and any gifts that you do receive should be opened in private.  Inevitably there will be some who want to give gifts, so it is appropriate to make sure and tell your hostess where you are registered so they can relay the information asked.  Bottom line is that it’s not a time when gifts are to be expected, so including your registry in any way besides word of mouth might send the opposite message.  If it’s a small event, most people wouldn’t bring more than flowers, wine, or another hostess-style gift.

At a traditional engagement party hosted by the bride's parents, the etiquette for toasts is: First, the bride's father proposes a toast to the bride and her fiance. Then, the fiance toasts his bride-to-be and her parents, and then his own parents. At informal events hosted by friends, anyone can make a toast at any time. Certainly, the engaged couple will want to toast the host.

The last suggested bit of protocol would be that the bride and groom get a gift to thank the host of the party.  This is the beginning of the monumental process and is a memory you will treasure, so that in combination with the work that they put in to organize the celebration is something to show your gratitude for.  It doesn’t call for anything extravagant; the best kind of gift would be one that you know is a gift of interest to them (theater tickets, tickets to see their favorite team or concert, etc.).

That’s not so bad, right?  Enjoy your celebration!  Since you won’t be throwing this party, if you do have expectations or preferences, be sure to let your host know (don’t be a control freak, but if it’s related to the guest list, size, or even if you want a more simple/outdoor kind of thing, let them know).  This way you can sit back and enjoy the party and planning without any worries.