For some of us, our paths are not so clear. Between your high school best friend, your college best friend, and your current roommate that has been along for the ride of your whole relationship with your soon-to-be-husband... there is going to be a trail of heartbreak no matter who you pick.
That was very similar to my situation. There were plenty of people in my wedding who mattered to me, from friends I grew up with in church, to my best friend from high school, to my more recent roommate and best friend. My first instinct was to go with my roommate/current bestie, then she told me she was pregnant. My high school best friend also ended up being pregnant. If I had chosen one of those two, everyone would have understood, knowing how close I was to them. So with them out of the Wedding Party pool, hurt feelings after picking my MOH was a sure thing, since many of them had a deep history with me and maybe felt like they were next in line. Crowning my Maid of Honor wasn’t a natural process for me.
So what if, like me, your pick for Maid of honor falls through? Is it proper etiquette to ask someone else if your first string cancels? There’s no clear rule about this. I did. It was early in the game though, so it wasn’t like we’d been through all the pre-wedding events with a different Maid of Honor. I feel like, if done right, it isn’t hurtful. I think the key is probably to have open dialogue about it so it’s not a weird, elephant in the room situation. One thing I did, is I still included my pregnant friend who couldn’t play the part in as much as possible, including choosing her to do the toast (which worked out nice since my Maid of Honor isn’t the type to feel comfortable speaking in front of a big crowd), and she helped me get ready. Since it was an open subject, she was still able to play a big role in the behind-the-scenes too. Everybody wins!
This is Genna. She was my Maid of Honor. Another great friend. Someone I had lived with, that always kept me laughing.
Here are all my bridesmaids!
This is Kristen again, making a toast at the reception. Probably the most heartfelt and meaningful toast ever given. I was so glad that she was still involved.
It’s important to pick who you want to play that role. Your Maid/Matron of Honor plays a big part in it all-being there for the planning, organizing your bridal showers and bachelorette party, and being by your side for whatever you need on your wedding day. Don’t pick it based on who you feel people expect you to. Pick someone who loves you and understands your personality, and recognizes any moment you need her.
If choosing is causing panic attack, there may be a solution: Don’t choose! A good friend of mine and her groom decided to not choose “Best”s, and keep a level playing field. Between her sister-in-law, her roommate of 3 years +, a friend she’s grown up with, a long distance friend, and a friend she’s made in the past year or two, there’s obviously different levels of involvement; and she knows that. But this way, she doesn’t have to choose one “best” if she has several, and no one spends her wedding feeling like someone was chosen for a role they felt better fitted for. As the friend who grew up with her, I really see where this decision kept her pretty stress-free in the bridesmaid rivalry department!
No comments:
Post a Comment