It goes without saying that your wedding is one of the most important times of your life. Spoken from experience, you’ll never forget who was with you and who wasn’t on your wedding day. You don’t want to be at odds with someone who matters to you, so I would encourage you to do whatever it takes to work things out, to keep that time of your life from having added tension.
I know, I know, the thought process comes to mind that if someone in your life isn’t going to work to be a part of it, then it’s their loss. I thought the same way. The truth is, though, that it’s your loss too. If you do your best to mend what needs mending (on your part), and it still doesn’t work, then you need not ever feel guilty; but it’s important to give it a chance (especially when it’s family).
My father was not an active role in my life, and he didn’t agree with who I was marrying (based on race), and I was VERY validated in not inviting him, and dead-set on it. Someone that I greatly look up to encouraged me to “extend the olive branch” and write my father a letter. I did so, and told him that I only wanted him to come if he could support me and be a positive presence on the most important day of my life yet. I pretty much did it to clear my conscience and make sure I did things right, but my letter ended up leading to my father being more supportive than he’d ever been in my life, humble and apologetic. His whole attitude about everything changed because I took some great advice and went out on a limb. I thought he would never change his mind, and I really didn’t care that much, in the moment. Seeing things now, I can’t imagine how I would have felt not giving him the chance to make it right.
Resist the urge to be a bridezilla and cross people out of your life. Even if you don’t see yourself being sad that someone isn’t a part of it, you never know. Seasons come and go, and if you and that family member/friend work it out you’ll wish it had happened before your wedding day.
And if you’re not the bride/groom, but the family member that is at odds with someone important in your life who is taking this big step; put it aside and do what you can to make peace. If you can’t stand your brother’s soon-to-be-wife, get over it and work on the relationship. You taking a stand won’t do anything but alienate you from the life of someone you care about; this is an exciting time you’ll never forget, and posting yourself up as one of the people who makes this time about you or your feelings will be something you can never take back. They will be your family, so you can spend this time being stubborn, or you can spend it getting to know them and working through your differences. Be supportive, and if your heart is in the right place, it all should eventually work itself out. If not, you still won’t have any regrets!
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